Saturday, June 27, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

Forgive Me Father

Forgive me Father, I have sinned.
Forgive me for not letting you in.
Forgive me for forgetting again,
All the times you helped me win.

Forgive me Father, I was weak
Your tender mercies I now seek
I'm listening Father to hear you speak
My flesh is willing, my spirit meek

Forgive me Father, I let go
I'm helpless alone, I know
The enemy dealt me a vicious blow
So now I crawl back, bowed low

Forgive me Father, forgive me please
I come to you on bended knees
I don't deserve it but I see
You died for me on that tree

Now I have life freely
I can live abundantly
In the shadow of your grace, me
My Lord, my one and only!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Raxxie on friendships

There is something that's been troubling me for awhile now. God has been making me reevaluate my friendships with certain people.. no.. scratch that.. with EVERYONE.

There are people in my life who I've known and loved for years. I've called them my closest friends because I so wanted them to be. The sad thing is that some of them never wanted my friendship the way I wanted theirs. Others were "takers" and would emotionally drain me (I'm a "giver") and leave me with nothing.

These are not friends. I used to believe that letting people go was mean, especially after investing time and effort into the relationship but I heard a sermon that changed my mind. Separating yourself from negative people is a biblical concept. Who knew?

I knew which obvious people to separate myself from. The outrightly exhausting, draining ones. The ones I no longer have the patience or energy to tolerate.

But I had no idea that it would be you. No you. Not the one who I claimed to be so close to. Not the one who knew me through the hardest times in my life. It hurts, but not nearly as much as the realization that you never loved me the way I loved you. You never came to me, not with anything. You hide things from me. You're closed with me. You don't claim me, not anymore. But, did you ever really? I'd do anything for you. But as it turns out, the sentiment isn't shared.

After everything you do to truly be a friend.. the hardest part is letting go. It's been years, far too many to even admit. I want to be one that you consider close to you but I realize now that no matter what I do, I can't force it. So, with a heavy heart, I'm letting it go.

The older I get, the fewer real friends I have. And yet, acquaintances are in great supply.


Please forgive the long absence. There have been a lot of things going on with me lately (the last month or so) and I've been behind in my updates. I do see some new followers however and I thank you for joining!

I'll do my best not to disappoint.