I Resolve To...

This is a new year.. Yes I'm aware that the first month of the new year has nearly past but whatever.

Every year around this time people take it upon themselves to make resolutions. We resolve to change our behaviour in one way or another in hopes of avoiding our mistakes from the previous year. I am no exception.

Therefore I write this entry to share my resolution with whomever decides to read it.. That way, you can hold me accountable.

My resolution for 2009 is to say what's on my heart.

Here's the thing. I'm quite a loving person. But, many of the people I love have no idea. They don't know the impact their presence has on my life, so this year I resolve to tell them.

There have been too many unspoken words, there have been too many unvoiced thoughts. It's about time I let people know. Those people who catch me looking at them, those people I look out for when I go out, those people I say hi to and hug in passing... I want to tell you that I love you. More than that, I want to tell you why!

I want to remind you of that day when you tried to cheer me when I was down. That day you had a kind word right when I needed to hear it. That day that your smile was enough to make me forget what I'd been through. I want to tell you why I love you.

I don't want to live with the regret of keeping things to myself till it's too late. Because the day will come when I can no longer tell you. I've felt that type of regret. I know how it feels to have someone never know how much you cared, or that you even cared at all... once someone's gone, it's too late. They'll never know.

So if I come up to you and give you a random compliment, now you know why. Even if I punk out by not actually saying it but I sit a little closer to you. Or, you suddenly start seeing me more. Or I hug you a little longer, and a little tighter.. you'll know why. I mean come on, I'm still human.. this new found honesty might take awhile happen with some of you.. but if I don't say it, I'll show it. I'll be more present, I'll listen better, I'll talk more, I'll linger longer.. I promise..

This is the year to tell and show the people I love who they are. And if it results in my becoming a better friend, all the better. I want deeper, more meaningful friendships.

So look out.. because I'm going to find each and every one of you!

Joy

Joy. Pure joy. Is there anything else like it?
I've written about pain
I've written about tears
I've written about love and hate and anger
But what about joy?
Why have I forgotten it?
Is it because I haven't felt it?
Is it because it was avoiding me?
But is that any excuse?
No, I think not
Therefore let me explore this thing called joy.
Let me unfold its layers
Let me experience it's sensations

Stay tuned for a new chapter of Raxxie