Forgive Me Father

Forgive me Father, I have sinned.
Forgive me for not letting you in.
Forgive me for forgetting again,
All the times you helped me win.

Forgive me Father, I was weak
Your tender mercies I now seek
I'm listening Father to hear you speak
My flesh is willing, my spirit meek

Forgive me Father, I let go
I'm helpless alone, I know
The enemy dealt me a vicious blow
So now I crawl back, bowed low

Forgive me Father, forgive me please
I come to you on bended knees
I don't deserve it but I see
You died for me on that tree

Now I have life freely
I can live abundantly
In the shadow of your grace, me
My Lord, my one and only!

Raxxie on friendships

There is something that's been troubling me for awhile now. God has been making me reevaluate my friendships with certain people.. no.. scratch that.. with EVERYONE.

There are people in my life who I've known and loved for years. I've called them my closest friends because I so wanted them to be. The sad thing is that some of them never wanted my friendship the way I wanted theirs. Others were "takers" and would emotionally drain me (I'm a "giver") and leave me with nothing.

These are not friends. I used to believe that letting people go was mean, especially after investing time and effort into the relationship but I heard a sermon that changed my mind. Separating yourself from negative people is a biblical concept. Who knew?

I knew which obvious people to separate myself from. The outrightly exhausting, draining ones. The ones I no longer have the patience or energy to tolerate.

But I had no idea that it would be you. No you. Not the one who I claimed to be so close to. Not the one who knew me through the hardest times in my life. It hurts, but not nearly as much as the realization that you never loved me the way I loved you. You never came to me, not with anything. You hide things from me. You're closed with me. You don't claim me, not anymore. But, did you ever really? I'd do anything for you. But as it turns out, the sentiment isn't shared.

After everything you do to truly be a friend.. the hardest part is letting go. It's been years, far too many to even admit. I want to be one that you consider close to you but I realize now that no matter what I do, I can't force it. So, with a heavy heart, I'm letting it go.

The older I get, the fewer real friends I have. And yet, acquaintances are in great supply.

Explanation

Please forgive the long absence. There have been a lot of things going on with me lately (the last month or so) and I've been behind in my updates. I do see some new followers however and I thank you for joining!

I'll do my best not to disappoint.

Explanation: Round Two

Up and down, back and forth
That's how I must seem
Why does it look like I say
Things I don't mean?

That's not what I wanted
I want to be real
I want to express
What I really feel

I'm not perfect
Though I try to be
I try to hide flaws
Where no one can see

When people get closer
I push them away
I tell them to go
When I want them to stay

And that's what I did
But I still want you near
This must sound like an excuse
You may not want to hear

But bear with me
I've been through a lot
I'm a work in progress
And its harder than I thought

And it scares me
That I want to let you in
If you give me a chance
I won't do it again

We'll start as friends
And then see it through
Clean slate
We'll just call it "round two"

What Is He Thinking? : Part II

So, what is he thinking?
I could just ask
But then I'd have to get over my past
And shelf my mask
Hmmm... what a task..
Alright fine, mask aside

Will you show me yours
If I show you mine?

Which Way To Go...

There's a place I wanna get to, but I don't know the way. It's a wonderful place though, that's what people say. I'm packed and ready to leave here today, and go. So, does anyone know the way to go?

I'm told when you get there, joy fills your soul. The wonder and majesty is such a sight to behold, with gardens and rivers and beauty untold. So, does anyone know which way to go?

What place is this place, what is its name? This place is called love, nowhere's quite the same. It's a place to go back to again and again but first you must find it. So, does anyone know which way to go?

I've been there before but I've been there alone. It's not quite so lovely when there on your own. I wish someone told me then I would've known. Its dark there when its just you, you spin in circles not knowing what to do. You fret and wonder if "love" is really true. Because alone it's not much fun. Then when you hear its name you're tempted to run, run away from the feeling before its begun, again. Again, yes it happens again, the pain because you can't refrain not once you've been there. Yepp, you go back again. So, does anyone know which way to go?

See, I haven't been there in awhile. It's been quite some time since it stole my smile. And hey, I've forgotten the way, but I pray that starting today I can say, Now! Now is my time. I'll find my way without dollar or dime. Trusting God will provide, I'll rely on Him cuz He's on my side, come high or low tide. Someone'll meet me there. God'll send someone who cares. Someone to share my time with.
So, does anyone know which way to go?

What's in a name?

What's in a name? For a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. At least that's how the saying goes.. and I for one see the truth in it.

Because you, by any other name, would still make me smile, make me shiver, make me sigh.

You'd still make me laugh, make me wonder, make me dream.

You'd still build me up, hold me close, take my breath away.

You'd still stroke my hair, hold my hands, kiss my lips.

You'd still be my friend, my love, my all.

You'd still make me praise God for you, count each day as a blessing, wish each moment would never end.

You'd still stimulate my mind, stimulate my body, stimulate my soul.

You'd still make me want you, make me need you, make me love you.

You'd still seek me, pursue me, find me.

You'd still push me, encourage me, support me.

You'd still love me, cherish me, never let me go... because even nameless you'd still be you!

So I dedicate this to you.. my rose by any other name.