Raxxie Speaks

King Midas

2009-09-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I dub thee King Midas
For it all turns to gold
When graced by your touch
What a sight to behold
His presence astounds me
His countenance, grand
Beauty overflows
At every move of his hand
He is not boastful
Neither flaunty nor proud
Yet in modest perfection
He can silence a crowd
He pours forth his talent
Oh so lavishly
And I become precious
When he touches me
Each pluck is a symphony
Every brushstroke, masterpiece
And each scratch of his pen
Brings us both to our knees
No uncertainty surrounds him
Every action, tried and true
And he calls me Queen Midas
Because, he is gold too
My King, yes my Midas
You turn me to gold
When graced by your touch
I'm your sight to behold

My Future

2009-08-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've been begging and praying for changes in my life for quite sometime now. At the beginning I wasn't ready for the answer to be yes. God had to let me know what I was really asking first, so that I would fully understand what would take place.

Over the course of the following years He's been revealing just that. It's been a ride! An amazing ride. With every step I have felt more and more at peace with my past. There was so much I didn't remember, so much I didn't understand.

Now I know where I come from. I know the causes of all my virtues and flaws alike. I understand why I am the way I am and how not to become what I fear.

So here I stand, at the threshold of my future. All the preparations have been made for me to get what I've always wanted. The pieces are all laid out, waiting for me. I'd given up hope so many times in the past. I'd lowered my standards and deemed myself unworthy of my requests. But now, at the end of it all, I have the potential to get all that I asked for. All that I desired. All that I wept for, and more.

Is it strange that now that it looks like I'll get it all, I hesitate? I'm nervous. I'm not afraid, just nervous. Has my time really come? Will my answer really be yes? Finally? And if so, what comes next?

To: The Ladies of YouTube

2009-08-06T07:44:00.001-07:00

and everyone else for that matter

Random Raxxie Facts: Volume 2

2009-07-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

I get more accomplished when more is expected from me. If ever I find myself in a high pressure situation where I have many tasks to accomplish in a very short period of time.. that's where I shine. Weird huh?

I work infinitely better under sick amounts of pressure. Strange? Yes! Unhealthy? Likely! Stupid? Without a doubt! Do I care? Not so much.. It works, and who am I to mess with a good thing?

Hello All

2009-07-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've been slacking lately when it comes to this blog.. I've lost a follower or two (likely because of this) and needless to say I'm not thrilled!

So, I make a vow to have interesting things to say on a more regular basis from now on. Especially when I leave home and go back to school. I always accomplish more when more when I'm at school.

So yessssss..... tell your friends. =)

MJ and My Silence

2009-07-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

I've been relatively silent on the topic of MJ and his passing. Cyberspace has been clogged, it seems, with updates and condolences...

I am a HUGE MJ fan! I adored the man. But everything that could be said, has been said. I mourned his passing as many others did.

My interest now is to see how the world on a whole will react to his death. How will he be remembered? How will his estate be divided? What will happen to his children? To his debts? To his record sales?

We shall see...

Michael Jackson Has Died (06-25-2009)

2009-06-27T05:49:00.001-07:00

so sad...

Forgive Me Father

2009-06-12T19:23:00.001-07:00

Forgive me Father, I have sinned.
Forgive me for not letting you in.
Forgive me for forgetting again,
All the times you helped me win.

Forgive me Father, I was weak
Your tender mercies I now seek
I'm listening Father to hear you speak
My flesh is willing, my spirit meek

Forgive me Father, I let go
I'm helpless alone, I know
The enemy dealt me a vicious blow
So now I crawl back, bowed low

Forgive me Father, forgive me please
I come to you on bended knees
I don't deserve it but I see
You died for me on that tree

Now I have life freely
I can live abundantly
In the shadow of your grace, me
My Lord, my one and only!

Raxxie on friendships

2009-06-07T05:44:00.000-07:00

There is something that's been troubling me for awhile now. God has been making me reevaluate my friendships with certain people.. no.. scratch that.. with EVERYONE.

There are people in my life who I've known and loved for years. I've called them my closest friends because I so wanted them to be. The sad thing is that some of them never wanted my friendship the way I wanted theirs. Others were "takers" and would emotionally drain me (I'm a "giver") and leave me with nothing.

These are not friends. I used to believe that letting people go was mean, especially after investing time and effort into the relationship but I heard a sermon that changed my mind. Separating yourself from negative people is a biblical concept. Who knew?

I knew which obvious people to separate myself from. The outrightly exhausting, draining ones. The ones I no longer have the patience or energy to tolerate.

But I had no idea that it would be you. No you. Not the one who I claimed to be so close to. Not the one who knew me through the hardest times in my life. It hurts, but not nearly as much as the realization that you never loved me the way I loved you. You never came to me, not with anything. You hide things from me. You're closed with me. You don't claim me, not anymore. But, did you ever really? I'd do anything for you. But as it turns out, the sentiment isn't shared.

After everything you do to truly be a friend.. the hardest part is letting go. It's been years, far too many to even admit. I want to be one that you consider close to you but I realize now that no matter what I do, I can't force it. So, with a heavy heart, I'm letting it go.

The older I get, the fewer real friends I have. And yet, acquaintances are in great supply.

Explanation

2009-06-07T05:42:00.000-07:00

Please forgive the long absence. There have been a lot of things going on with me lately (the last month or so) and I've been behind in my updates. I do see some new followers however and I thank you for joining!

I'll do my best not to disappoint.

Explanation: Round Two

2009-04-14T22:18:00.002-07:00

Up and down, back and forth
That's how I must seem
Why does it look like I say
Things I don't mean?

That's not what I wanted
I want to be real
I want to express
What I really feel

I'm not perfect
Though I try to be
I try to hide flaws
Where no one can see

When people get closer
I push them away
I tell them to go
When I want them to stay

And that's what I did
But I still want you near
This must sound like an excuse
You may not want to hear

But bear with me
I've been through a lot
I'm a work in progress
And its harder than I thought

And it scares me
That I want to let you in
If you give me a chance
I won't do it again

We'll start as friends
And then see it through
Clean slate
We'll just call it "round two"

What Is He Thinking? : Part II

2009-04-14T22:18:00.001-07:00

So, what is he thinking?
I could just ask
But then I'd have to get over my past
And shelf my mask
Hmmm... what a task..
Alright fine, mask aside

Will you show me yours
If I show you mine?

Which Way To Go...

2009-03-16T11:18:00.001-07:00

There's a place I wanna get to, but I don't know the way. It's a wonderful place though, that's what people say. I'm packed and ready to leave here today, and go. So, does anyone know the way to go?

I'm told when you get there, joy fills your soul. The wonder and majesty is such a sight to behold, with gardens and rivers and beauty untold. So, does anyone know which way to go?

What place is this place, what is its name? This place is called love, nowhere's quite the same. It's a place to go back to again and again but first you must find it. So, does anyone know which way to go?

I've been there before but I've been there alone. It's not quite so lovely when there on your own. I wish someone told me then I would've known. Its dark there when its just you, you spin in circles not knowing what to do. You fret and wonder if "love" is really true. Because alone it's not much fun. Then when you hear its name you're tempted to run, run away from the feeling before its begun, again. Again, yes it happens again, the pain because you can't refrain not once you've been there. Yepp, you go back again. So, does anyone know which way to go?

See, I haven't been there in awhile. It's been quite some time since it stole my smile. And hey, I've forgotten the way, but I pray that starting today I can say, Now! Now is my time. I'll find my way without dollar or dime. Trusting God will provide, I'll rely on Him cuz He's on my side, come high or low tide. Someone'll meet me there. God'll send someone who cares. Someone to share my time with.
So, does anyone know which way to go?

What's in a name?

2009-03-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

What's in a name? For a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet. At least that's how the saying goes.. and I for one see the truth in it.

Because you, by any other name, would still make me smile, make me shiver, make me sigh.

You'd still make me laugh, make me wonder, make me dream.

You'd still build me up, hold me close, take my breath away.

You'd still stroke my hair, hold my hands, kiss my lips.

You'd still be my friend, my love, my all.

You'd still make me praise God for you, count each day as a blessing, wish each moment would never end.

You'd still stimulate my mind, stimulate my body, stimulate my soul.

You'd still make me want you, make me need you, make me love you.

You'd still seek me, pursue me, find me.

You'd still push me, encourage me, support me.

You'd still love me, cherish me, never let me go... because even nameless you'd still be you!

So I dedicate this to you.. my rose by any other name.

My Girl Jazmine...

2009-03-13T08:15:00.001-07:00

I love this girl! Her songs are so real. The emotions are so raw and on the surface.

She does however ask an interesting question. Why do we love, love when love seems to hate us?

I think I have an answer to that question, to some degree. It's in our nature to seek love. Why? Because it's worth it, supposedly.

As skeptical and cynical as we may be on the subject.. innately we believe that it's worth it in the end. So we seek. In our seeking we (usually) get burned more often than not which is discouraging to say the least. But still we seek.

I am not familiar with the merit of seeking love as I am yet to experience the search being worth it, but I am told that it is. If even for a brief moment in time, the knowledge that you are free to love and be loved is worth it, according to my sources.

I've been in love before, but I've been there alone.. but that's a poem for a different date.

Random Raxxie Facts: Volume 1

2009-03-05T18:42:00.000-08:00

Parts of my personality are decidedly male...

1. I can easily use up my daily quotient of spoken words before evening and thus am left with no desire to converse further. Because of this fact, I say "Uh Huh" a lot but contribute little to the conversation. I also am nowhere to be found, as to escape from other women who want nothing more than to talk about random crap!

2. Because of number 1 it is very easy to determine why I have such a deep loathing for the telephone. If I talk to you on the phone for more than a minute (at most) then either you are doing most of the talking or I REALLY LIKE YOU!

What Is He Thinking?

2009-02-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

What is he thinking?
What's on his mind?
These questions I've pondered
Quite a few times.

What is he feeling?
Is he happy or sad?
What has he been through?
What experiences has he had?

Where does he come from?
Where will he go?
Then the question hits me
Why do I want to know?

I never wondered before
Why now of all times?
Why is he suddenly
Present in my mind?

Why do I ponder
On what lies within?
Why do things constantly
Remind me of him?

Why is it so easy to
Look in his direction?
Why do I suddenly
Look for his attention?

I don't have any answers
At least not today
So why doesn't that bother me?
Why is that OK?

Maybe it's 'cause I'm older
Old enough to realize,
Things happen as they're meant to
I can take my time to answer, "why?"

Looking Ahead..

2009-02-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

You can't know where you're going till you know where you've been..

Sound familiar? I'm sure it does. It's a very common proverb. I had always thought of it in the context of knowing one's history as a people. I never thought of it in a personal way.

Lately I've been happy with my life. I have nothing to complain about other than my habitual lack of sleep. Even that though, is a good thing. It means I have things to do again. I'm productive (in theory anyway). So I am content. I'm satisfied. And I haven't written. Why not? Because all my best writing to this point has come from a tortured mind. When I'm frustrated poetry flows.. when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm agonizing over an event, those are my times of brilliance. So what happens when I'm satisfied? I don't know.

Satisfaction is still relatively new to me, at least the type of complete satisfaction I'm experiencing now. So how will I fix it? I've been reading.. reading the things I wrote in my past. I've found a spark in my reading. I can feel my passion being rekindled. It isn't quite to the point where I'm on the verge of a masterpiece but I can feel that all too familiar flame being re-lit in my soul. And I'm happy.

Why am I sharing this? I don't really know. I think I just needed to get my thoughts flowing. That, and I just read a friend's poem and feel inspired to share my own thoughts. Anyway.. that's all for now.

-Raxxie

Hmm...

2009-02-09T06:12:00.000-08:00

I just realized something...

Every time I act out of fear (inactivity counts as action as well) I hurt someone. I either hurt myself, or someone else or both.

So what's my obvious conclusion? No more fear! I will use all that's in me to act as my heart tells me. I won't let fear dictate my actions! This I state before all who read this and before God (with His help of course).

-Raxxie

And I Prayed.. The Story of Frank

2009-02-06T21:47:00.000-08:00

Today I bought a fish. I had been saying for a few weeks that I wanted one and today I was finally able to get one. I didn't expect much "attachment" to this creature because, after all, I equate fish with food. But after the salesperson fought to catch the little guy and put him in a bag for me I looked at him. He was mine. I named him. And just like that, I loved him. Frank Fishington, Frank the fish.

I was so excited. I had all the things for his new home ready. I rinsed out his bowl. I cleaned the little fake plants. I even cleaned the gravel I was going to put on the bottom. I set the water and put the tank conditioner in. All that was left was to put Frank in his new home. As far as I knew, there were two ways to do it. I could either pour him in, or scoop him in with a net. Being afraid to have him out of water at all, I opted to pour him in. Much to my dismay, something was wrong.

I watched him swim and he was only using his front fins.. not his tail. It looked awful to see him struggle to move. I kid you not, I was sad. My little Frank, whom I loved was struggling. Had I done something? Lo and behold, the internet told me that I poured where I should have scooped! No! What had I done?? Only moments before, little Frank was happy and healthy and unhurt but then in ignorance I hurt his little tail. Injuries like that can kill a fish. If he can't get to the surface for food he could die.

I'd only known him a few hours but I already couldn't bear the thought of him dying at my hand, so I prayed. I told God how small a thing it must be to ask for the life of a fish but He knew what that little life meant to me. I asked that he be spared. I ran around frantically trying to find a way to help him and asking people for advice. As I ran around and Frank was left alone I can only imagine him experimenting with his injury... trying to "walk it off" as it were. By the time I came back his tail was no longer droopy and he was indeed using it to swim! He got stronger with each passing minute. He ate the food I'd put in his bowl. I was overjoyed.

What's my point? Simple. What on earth could make me care so much for a fish? Love. Probably a weird type of love, but love nonetheless. I have such a capacity for love that the thought of him dying, especially because I'd hurt him was terrible. I used to limit myself when it came to love. I'd bottle it up and only give it to some, in small doses. But if I have so much love in my heart that it spills out on Frank, one who cannot love me, why am I holding back? Why don't I share my love with everyone? The purpose of love is to be given. So here I am, offering my love to any who will accept it. Yep, she must be crazy. Think about it though... I'm not talking about romantic love necessarily.. I just mean love in general. Why are we so selective of who we give it to? Why do we feel that some people aren't worthy? God is love stupid. And there is NO ONE who is worthy of God, therefore no one is worthy of love. But it is given anyway. So again I say it. I offer my love.. the love God commissions me to share with everyone.

Just as I love Frank though I know he can never love me, so do I love everyone... by God's grace and with his help. Thanks for reading. God bless.

Ps... I REALLY hope Frank Fishington (that's his whole name) doesn't die now o_O.

I Resolve To...

2009-01-25T16:22:00.000-08:00

This is a new year.. Yes I'm aware that the first month of the new year has nearly past but whatever.

Every year around this time people take it upon themselves to make resolutions. We resolve to change our behaviour in one way or another in hopes of avoiding our mistakes from the previous year. I am no exception.

Therefore I write this entry to share my resolution with whomever decides to read it.. That way, you can hold me accountable.

My resolution for 2009 is to say what's on my heart.

Here's the thing. I'm quite a loving person. But, many of the people I love have no idea. They don't know the impact their presence has on my life, so this year I resolve to tell them.

There have been too many unspoken words, there have been too many unvoiced thoughts. It's about time I let people know. Those people who catch me looking at them, those people I look out for when I go out, those people I say hi to and hug in passing... I want to tell you that I love you. More than that, I want to tell you why!

I want to remind you of that day when you tried to cheer me when I was down. That day you had a kind word right when I needed to hear it. That day that your smile was enough to make me forget what I'd been through. I want to tell you why I love you.

I don't want to live with the regret of keeping things to myself till it's too late. Because the day will come when I can no longer tell you. I've felt that type of regret. I know how it feels to have someone never know how much you cared, or that you even cared at all... once someone's gone, it's too late. They'll never know.

So if I come up to you and give you a random compliment, now you know why. Even if I punk out by not actually saying it but I sit a little closer to you. Or, you suddenly start seeing me more. Or I hug you a little longer, and a little tighter.. you'll know why. I mean come on, I'm still human.. this new found honesty might take awhile happen with some of you.. but if I don't say it, I'll show it. I'll be more present, I'll listen better, I'll talk more, I'll linger longer.. I promise..

This is the year to tell and show the people I love who they are. And if it results in my becoming a better friend, all the better. I want deeper, more meaningful friendships.

So look out.. because I'm going to find each and every one of you!

Joy

2009-01-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

Joy. Pure joy. Is there anything else like it?
I've written about pain
I've written about tears
I've written about love and hate and anger
But what about joy?
Why have I forgotten it?
Is it because I haven't felt it?
Is it because it was avoiding me?
But is that any excuse?
No, I think not
Therefore let me explore this thing called joy.
Let me unfold its layers
Let me experience it's sensations

Stay tuned for a new chapter of Raxxie

MOST [Many] AFROCENTRISTS ON YOUTUBE ARE DUMB

2008-12-27T13:17:00.001-08:00

had to post this one.. wow

Help Me

2008-11-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

How do you tell your heart not to feel? How do you make it cold? Make it numb? How can you train it not to get attached to someone so wonderful, or rather, someone who it sees as wonderful? How can you make it ignore his concern, his caring, his affection?

How can you get it on the same page as your rational mind? How can you convince it how wrong this is for you? How can you stop it from skipping a beat when he says your name? How can you make it forget how it once longed for him? How can you make it realize how much better off it is now that the attachment has been severed? How can you prevent it from thinking of him again? Remembering how good it felt when he let you in, made you part of his world? When you knew you were thought about, cared about, and possibly longed for? How can you make it forget when you can't forget yourself?!

You remember how your breath caught in your throat when he looked at you. You remember that tingle down your spine when he smiled at you. You remember wondering if it was more than a crush, more than infatuation you felt. Wondering if he felt it too. Looking in his eyes believing he did. Refusing to believe he didn't. Stupid! of course he didn't! He would have told you! He would have shown you! He wouldn't have vanished from your life. He wouldn't have slinked into the shadows! Stupid heart, he never loved you! Love? Are you crazy? Why even say the word?? It sickens me that it'd even be conceptualized. Time to put this foolish thing, this heart, away. It never leads to anything but exhausted misery. It runs headlong into fantasy not fact.. emotion not rationality.. and each time loses a bit of itself... So it's over, I'm done, I'm putting it away...

If I only knew how...

Untitled

2008-11-01T16:04:00.000-07:00

"Another child of pen and pad... " - Raxxie

So many things I want to tell you,
But I don’t even have the words
So many chances I’ve had to say them
But still they go unheard

So many hours I’ve contemplated
Whether my silence was a curse
So many times I’ve sat wondering
If I’d only make things worse

So many times I’ve gotten closer
To saying how I feel
So many times you’ve probed me wondering
If it were really real

So many ways to say I love you
But no one way can truly describe
So everyday it kills me slowly
That my love, I’m forced to hide

"...a slave to my pen" - Raxxie

...What if?

2008-11-01T16:03:00.000-07:00

What if I told you everything? What if I finally let it out after years of hiding and stepping aside and simply being too dumb to admit it before? What if I told you that it’s grown since then? What if I told you that what’s in my heart has deepened and evolved? What if it’s something so big now that I can’t even define it? Can’t even describe it?

What if I were close to you? What if I looked into your eyes? What if it were as it were but this time around I responded differently? What if I didn’t wimp out? What if I were completely, uninhibitedly honest? What if I bore my soul? What if you found out that I loved you too? What if it were all worth the wait? What if I apologized for not telling you sooner? What if you still loved me?

What if I kissed you? Just out of the blue, what if I did? What if that’s all it took? What if you held me? What if you kissed me back? What if everything changed and all was as it should have been all along? What if all that’s standing between our happily ever after, is one stolen moment alone together?

But, what if I’m too late? What if I missed my chance? What if you’re happy without me? What if you don’t still wonder? What if it’s really over? What if I waited too long to realize it? What if I got my epiphany too late? What if it’s pointless now? *sigh* What if?

Raxxie 4.0

2008-10-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

As I Rant...

2008-10-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

Let's get personal for a minute y'all. See, I've had one or two things on my mind lately. This is one though that I want to get off my chest and I think this is the perfect place to say it. Anyone who wants to read it can, without it being directed to anyone in particular.

For those of you who don't know, I am different. I'm unlike anyone else you've ever encountered, dated, spoken to, and the list goes on. I don't think like the typical woman (if there is such a thing). I don't act like her, I don't speak like her, I don't relate to others like her, I don't present myself the way she does. I don't play her games, I don't use her tricks, I don't accept what she accepts, I don't reject what she rejects. Period. I am not her.

See, I know that lots of women claim to be different from other women but considering how annoyed I am with the ways of the typical woman I can guarantee that I am not her. In fact, I loath her. She sends a bad message to men about the rest of us. Gold-digging, dominating, loud, manipulative, moody, temperamental, superficial, confused, and confusing. That's how they see us because of her.

What frustrates me however is that because I am an obvious member of the female race it is automatically assumed that I can be treated like the typical woman and that's cool. Nuh uh homie.

I hate games. Don't play 'em. I hate lines. Don't say 'em. If I say no, there's a reason. If I say wait, it's for a season. Don't need a papi homie, I'm grown. If I show no interest, leave me alone. If you ignore me, I'll let you go. I don't beg attention, just so you know. When I love, I love deep. So I got no patience for men who creep. Moving forward I aim high. Get on my level or don't apply. It ain't that hard to be with me. Just go deeper than what you see. Those who love me, are those who know me. If you want me, then baby show me. I can leave you wanting more, just leave the B.S at the door. I won't put up with it my dear. The average woman isn't here.

I'm just sick of the B.S y'all. You don't need a show and fanfare. You don't need a hot car. You don't need to buy me a damn thing. All you gotta do is be sincere and be you. If you're not real with me, I will find you out. There's no escaping it. Treat me how you want me to treat you. To mess up (past a certain point) is to miss out. I won't fight you. You don't have to want me but damn, if you do don't screw around. Cuz if it's over, it' over. I don't backtrack. I learn my lesson and move on. Now I'm just venting.. geez. If you want me, act like it. If you don't then DON'T! I cannot stress this enough. ARGH.. lemmy stop.. cuz this has the potential to go on for an eternity and a half.

Peace

The New Unstoppable Records

2008-10-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Definitely worth the listen!

Black is Beautiful

2008-10-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

Jekyll & Hyde

2008-10-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

Time..

A simple enough concept... though we often forget it has more than one side.

On the one hand we see its fluidity.. its relativity.. there have been theories written on the subject.

Cuz really lets look at it. Time can be given. Time can be spent. Time can be shared. Time can be spared. Time can be wasted. Time can be savored.

Time is lost, time is borrowed, time is squandered... Time is begged for.

Time is too slow when you're in pain. Too slow when you're waiting for a blessing, a change, a sign, a person you miss. It's too slow when anticipating a touch, a kind word, a kiss...

Time is too fast when you get what you've waited for. When your blessing is being poured out, when the pain subsides, when the change is happening, when the sign is playing out, when you see that person again. In those times, no touch is long enough. Kind words end too quickly. Each kiss is too brief.

Yes, time is fluid... but we seem to forget its other side. It's unyielding, unforgiving, unchanging, immovable nature. We forget its rigidity. Time is no respecter of persons.. it will not bend in its course..

Time is like the surf on the mountain's face... it wears away.. it erodes, until memories and experiences fade. We forget how much we cared.. we forget how disappointed we were.. we forget how much we shared... Time heals all wounds only because it washes them away... it smooths them down until all scars are erased.

Time doesn't halt for anyone... under any circumstance.. So, that blessing won't last forever, that change will be forgotten, the sign will fade, the person will leave you. Your skin will forget the warmth of the touch, your ears will forget the sound of his voice, your lips will forget the sweetness of his kiss.. and it's because time steals it... it passes along and tares bits and pieces of us as it goes on its way..

Before you know it, it's like every good thing you got never came. Shared moments never happened. Conversations never transpired. Feelings never manifested. Secrets never brought to the light. Hearts and desires never exposed.

See, time is as merciful as it is unyielding... as cruel as it is kind.. it is its own polar opposite... The worlds greatest oxymoron.. The supreme contradiction. A living, breathing, Jekyll and Hyde...

Alone...

2008-09-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

In My Mind

2008-09-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

R.I.P Dear Love Song

2008-09-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

What happened to the love song?
Don't you remember a time when a song made you feel something that surpassed the mere physical aspect of relationships? Songs used to have the power to speak words unspoken. To express desires and emotion that couldn't be expressed any other way. Do you remember where you were when you first heard "Back at One?" I do. It was at a grade seven school dance. It was my first slow dance with a boy. Even though I knew him, and we were friends I was nervous, but I sang along with Brian McKnight. Even now, I can't hear the song without it resonating deeply.. See that? When was the last time a song did that to you?

There were songs that applied to our lives, songs we could relate to. Remember "Have you ever?" I know you do. And don't all of us have someone from our past or present that the song applies to? I know I do.

There were songs that were so saturated with raw emotion that if you found yourself in a similar situation could bring you nearly to tears... after my 1st break-up I couldn't even listen to "Missing You." (112).

The notion of the love song has become nearly extinct since the turn of the century. Booty and sex are all that we hear about. Remember when there was a difference between love and sex? Now a days its as if they've become synonymous. its sad. i miss the love song. the love song helped make me who i am today. the love helped shape me. but it seems now that the love song has died. so this is its eulogy... R.I.P dear love song, you will be missed.

The Pigeon and the Peacock

2008-09-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a Woman. She thought well of herself, held herself in high regard and in turn was able to think the same of others. She loved the people in her life deeply, and thought of them fondly. She laughed, cried, fell, and got up as we all do.

One day as she carried on with her life, and when she least expected it she caught the eye of two men. Not one, but two. She of course was flattered.

Man-number-one approached her directly, forcefully, and flirtatiously. He made poetic declarations of emotion, and eloquent descriptions of her beauty. He bought her gifts. He took her places. He was affectionate. He was romantic. He sought to sweep her off her feet. He wanted her all to himself. He made it his mission to be exactly what she wanted. She was bedazzled that such a man had found interest in her.

Man-number-two looked on as Man-number-one did all this and was crestfallen. He had no large sums of money. He had no flowery words. He had no exotic destinations. And though he longed to be romantic with the Woman his ideas of romantic gestures paled in comparison to Man-number-one's. So, he gave what he had. He walked her to class. He called her when she was sick. He worried about her. He prayed about her. He stayed up late nights talking to her about nothing and everything. He dreamed about her. He offered a listening ear. He offered a strong arm. He offered a tender heart. He told her things he told no one, all in an effort to have a connection with this Woman. He became her confidant. He became her friend.

One day, Man-number-two sat alone. He was deeply troubled. The Woman hadn't heard from him in a day or so and became worried. She sought him out.
"What's wrong?" She asked when she found him.
"Why are you here?" He replied. "Why aren't you with 'Him'?"
"I was worried about you."
He looked into her eyes and asked her a question that had troubled him for so long.
"Why do you worry yourself with me when you have Him? He gives you everything your heart could desire."
She was shocked at the question but the shock passed as she looked back at him, realizing the depths that the question had surfaced from. Her face softened and she replied.
"He is romantic, He is generous, He is public with his affections. He knows what to say. He knows what to do. He is what most women dream of." She paused. "Then there's you. You brought me soup because I was sick. You held my hand because I was scared. You dried my tears because I couldn't. You walked with me, because alone, I wouldn't. He sees my tears, You know the reason. He gave from his pocket, You gave from your soul. He used flowery words, You said it all without uttering a single one. He shows me what I want to see, You show me what I need to see. He shows affection, but You show me love. You listen. You understand. In your quietness I see you, not the pomp and circumstance but you. Your motives. Your desires."

He couldn't believe what he heard. He'd impressed her without being "impressive." He'd shown Her his worth without putting on a show. He'd given Her what she needed not to win Her over but because He'd been won over. He was the man she loved not because He gave what he had, but because he gave who He was. He bore His soul and She responded. He gave His love and She accepted. Not because He expected a reward but because He loved her too much to do otherwise. The Pigeon beat the Peacock.

A Marriage

2008-09-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

The joining of two souls. Becoming one flesh. These are the things that mark the sacred union of marriage. Only a few years ago when I was younger than I am now, I experienced such a union. This is the story of the courtship and marriage of pen and pad.

Each lived happily long before they met, for each had many uses before their love existed. They carried on blissfully unaware that they were both grossly incomplete. For you see when one is on their own, they are ignorant to their lack of wholeness. Just as one cannot miss a dessert without experiencing its taste, once cannot see their own state of unfinishedness without finding their other half. So, on they went, each on their separate ways. The pen doing the writing and the pad receiving the writing of others. Neither making a significant impact. Menial were their tasks, mediocre the products, until one day a third party entered into the equation. Me. Yes I am the narrator of this tale but also am I a character. Even more, I am the catalyst! For if not for my inspiration and introduction their love would never have been ignited.

On a day like any other I sat before the familiar pen and the familiar pad and on a whim suggested they dance. Neither had previously considered the possibility but since neither had any reason to object, they obliged me. What happened next was nothing short of breathtaking! They danced ballads, and epics. They danced sonnets and haikus. They danced stories both long and short. They danced romance and thriller and drama. And as the power of their dance continued to grow they fell madly in love.

That very night they discovered their desire for one another and neither could contain themselves. They were consumed by the flames of their longing and though shy at first, adoration for one another broke down the barriers of their insecurity. The wedding followed suit and the exchange of vows was more beautiful than I could endure. All present shed tears because they danced their commitment to one another.

They danced words of undying, unyielding, unrelenting love. The type of love that survives the test of time and temptation. The type of love that heals wounded hearts & makes men fly on wings of self-worth. The type of love that cannot be bought or sold, lost or found, only given and shared.

The honeymoon was long and deep, and years of blissful weddedness followed. The story however isn’t over. Oh no. For you see, once honeymoon is ended and time passes, the vows given during the wedding grow hazy and are forgotten. The fresh memories of passionate love fade and are lost as life continues on.

Within time, pen and pad became estranged. They forgot the reason for their love. They forgot the products of their love. The flame was quickly going out. They both returned to the menial tasks of their previous lives. Tasks with no beauty or magic. I didn’t know how to help, nor was I aware that help was needed. You see, inspiration, my lover, had eluded me some time prior. But as inspiration and I longed for that which we’d lost we were reunited, and sought to do the same for our dear friends, pen & pad.

We forced them to join us. The music began to play. They both knew the song, inspiration’s song. They began to remember their first introduction to it and all the beauty which ensued. They gazed longingly at one another and began to dance once more.

This is where the story pauses, not ends, but pauses because their dance is still strengthening. My beloved inspiration has saturated them with his song and they dance on. They dance right this moment to you, their audience. This very story you see is the product of their dance, of their marriage, of their love. The story will continue while we, the components, are present. Inspiration to writer (me), and pen to pad.

Simply Me

2008-09-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hello world, allow me to introduce myself. Raxxie is what I'm affectionately called. It was a name given to me by my father. So now that the introductions have been covered we can get into my reason for being here. Put simply, I love to write. I am a writer by nature. The only thing I've done longer than writing is singing which is the other love of my life. The third and most important is my relationship with Christ which I'll address at some point.

Basically I want to share myself with the world, as it were, and so this blog shall be my outlet. Here is where everything will be shared in a way that can be related to. You'll see what I mean in time. So here I am, for you to see. Transparant to the world, my thoughts and feelings through my pen; the mightiest of all weapons.